Birds, bees... and bathing suits
/Hello my loves,
Ah, spring. Beauty, blossoms, birds, bees… and bathing suits. Inevitably at this time of year, my togs come out of the drawer after a long hiatus. Last week saw me pulling them on, filled with the joyous anticipation of an afternoon at the beach. And then it happened. Standing in front of the mirror in my pretty new swimmers, I found myself lasering in on the big-ticket items. Boobs, bum, stomach, arms. Did they all look the same as they did last year? Had everything managed to tuck appropriately into where it was supposed to go? Were the cunning gathers of my suit doing the work they were made for? Did I need to suck in, was this the right suit, just exactly what did I see, and did I like it? Ugggggghhhhhh. It all happened in a matter of seconds, before I pulled myself up and remembered that that’s not the relationship I have with my body anymore. But it happened. The indoctrinations of a lifetime run very, very deep. And so today I wanted to talk about our relationship with our bodies and the way they look, because it’s something that affects us all. I’m going to write from the perspective of a woman, because that’s what I am, but these themes are relevant for everyone, regardless of gender identity, and there’s no better time than spring, when the togs start to call, to check in on how we’re doing with loving our bodies.
If you’re alive on the earth right now, I’ll wager that the way your body looks is something that’s on your mind from, ahem, time to time. Toxic body image narratives have been growing stronger and stronger, and we’ve all been raised under a constant barrage of overt and covert messages about how we should look, how we should feel when we don’t measure up, and what we should do about it (cue: spend money on something that will inevitably do nothing but create even more emotional angst, and embed us deeper in the body-image weeds). It’s dizzying to even try to keep up with the standards we’re supposed to hold ourselves to, constantly changing as they are. From decade to decade, the expectations on how various parts of our body should look are entirely different. Big boobs are in! Oh, wait, no, androgyny rules now! Small boobs unite! Big boobs despair! And hang on… what about your bum? Is it big enough, no wait, is it small enough? Is it round enough, flat enough, high enough, firm enough? Ugh, stop the merry-go-round, I feel sick and I want to get off!
The truth is, there are almost 8 billion different bodies that make up the world, and all of them are beautiful. They’re beautiful because without them we couldn’t be here - your soul can’t live a life on earth without one. They’re beautiful because they give you the gift of life, every second of every day, without you even thinking about it. They keep breathing, synapsing, digesting and oxygenating without expecting a word of praise or thanks. And still we’re trained to hate them.
Your body is your body. It will have a natural state that it defaults to. Some of us are slim, and many of us aren’t. We have big boobs, small boobs, round boobs, long boobs, high bums, low bums, wide bums and narrow ones. Flat tummies, round tummies, rolly tummies, wobbly tummies, strong thighs, small thighs, dimpled thighs and smooth ones. You are who you are my love. What if you just accepted it? What if you tuned into your inner body-image dialogue and listened to what you’re unconsciously telling yourself about the way you think you should look? Can you make a choice to start to change that dialogue, to share inner thoughts of thanks and love with your body, rather than society’s mean old judgements? What if you gave your body a bit of leeway, and allowed her to just be? Of course you’ll treat her well, look after her and nourish her in the best ways you can, but you’ll also accept her for who she is. And you’ll do your damn best to love her for it.
I watched Miss Americana, Taylor Swift’s excellent Netflix documentary, a little while ago, and I was struck by what she had to say about the body image pressure she’d felt throughout her career. What she said was this:
“There’s always some standard of beauty that you’re not meeting. 'Cause if you’re thin enough, then you don’t have that ass that everybody wants. But if you have enough weight on you to have an ass, then your stomach isn’t flat enough. It’s all just fucking impossible.”
Like I said earlier, this affects us all. In my early twenties, I was naturally super-slim, and I hated it. I felt incredibly unfeminine, and I wanted boobs! God, I really wanted them. Later in my twenties, I got them, but didn’t really have time to appreciate them, because by then I was too busy worrying about the stomach that had come with them. I look back at photos of myself now, and people, I was pretty banging. But I never saw it. Measuring up is a game that none of us, not you, not me, and not Taylor Swift, will ever win.
And so, it’s up to each one of us to take a look at our relationship with our own bodies. Stop pining to become what you’re not, and start loving what you are are instead. Because my darling, your body is beautiful, I know for sure that it is. Just like mine is, and your Mum’s is, and your best friend’s is too. But your body is not what makes you beautiful. Your beauty comes from who you are. The love that you put out into the world, the kindness with which you treat others, the authenticity with which you try to understand why you’re here and how you can live in a way that aligns to that: this is what makes you beautiful. Beauty is an energy, not a physical set of circumstances. And it’s your energy that people respond to. The more we come from love, the more our true beauty shines. And if there’s one thing the world needs more of right now, it’s true beauty. The incomparable exquisiteness of an open heart, soul-warming expressions of thanks and love, a connection, a smile, a kindness. That is the beauty we need to embody in the world.
And so my loves, my beautiful body and I are heading into another weekend. I love her, I really do, and whilst nasty old narratives still catch me occasionally, for the most part her and I are an inseparable team. This weekend we’re taking it pretty quietly, re-organising a spare room, enjoying the booming spring garden, and perhaps partaking in some languid spells of reading too. Whatever you’re doing, I wish you and your body a beautiful time together. Until next week my loves 💛.
Love, Rachel xxx
